Survivor's guilt [Wiccan]

Bishop Publishing. The old building loomed ominously in front of Kate and she could swear that the actual temperature of the air dropped a few degrees. Or maybe it was just the chill she felt in her heart at being here again. It was the first time Kate had come back to the Young Avenger's headquarters since... since Billy and Tommy had been reunited with the mother.

Since Cassie and Vision had been killed. Sometimes she had to force herself to acknowledge that fact because it was easier to pretend like it hadn't happened. Her heart clenched and she hurried forward towards the secret entrance, quickly punching in the code through her clouded vision and slipping inside. Kate tried to blink back the tears in her eyes and sniffed. Reaching into her purse she pulled out a tissue and dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose.

When she felt sufficiently calmed down Kate took a deep breath and let it out before moving deeper into the building. She hadn't come here out of some weird masochistic tendency, she'd come here to say goodbye. Though to what exactly she didn't know.

Kate had been over and over the events that had cost them two of their team members. ...Three. Three team members. There was nothing she could have done differently with the information she had been given. Billy and Tommy were part of the team. Part of HER family and she wasn't about to allow anyone to lock Billy up just because of something that had happened with the woman the so called 'grown-ups' had considered to potentially be Billy's mother. She also wasn't about to abandon them to Magneto and Quicksilver under any circumstances.

Billy might have had a moment where his powers behaved in a way that he didn't understand but that was no reason to lock him up because they were scared. Isn't that the 'human' thing to do to a mutant? Kate knew that if she were in Billy's place or in the place of anyone that had powers that she would want to be treated with understanding, patience and love. Not fear.

Wanda could have restored the powers of every mutant that had been affected by her spell. But thanks to the Avengers and the X-Men and their fear the Scarlet Witch had gone running back to Doom, ironically the one person she trusted, and as a result no one was helped, Doom temporarily became the most powerful being on the planet, and... and Cassie lost her life.

And Kate had lost Cassie. Doom had killed her. Then Iron Lad... Kang the Conqueror... killed Vision. All on her watch. Maybe they should have just left it up to the Avengers in the first place. Maybe if Wanda had stayed in her ignorance she could have just lived happily with Doom and Cassie would still be alive.

Okay that was stupid. Someone would have found Wanda eventually and if Doom found a way to have her completely in his thrall then they would really have been in trouble. Or any number of bad scenarios. Maybe they would have killed Billy. And then Tommy for good measure. And they would have had to kill Teddy to get to Billy so she would have lost teammates either way.

Regardless, as much as she kept telling herself she had done the best she could, she couldn't help but feel responsible for her teammates deaths. And for Eli leaving. She couldn't imagine what he was going through. Because he had interrupted the ritual he'd almost killed Wanda, given Victor Von Doom the life energy that allowed him to alter reality, and denied hundreds of mutants the opportunity to regain their powers.

Maybe she should have been able to sense that he would do something rash like that. She was supposed to be the leader. She was supposed to know her team. Trust her team.

Trust her boyfriend. That's what he had been, right? She'd liked him... cared about him... but she'd never really been able to open up to him the way she was supposed to. But that was her issue. Maybe if she had told him why she had problems opening up to him they would have been on better terms and he would have listened to her. But then... she had never told anyone about what had happened...

Kate slammed the side of her fist against the hall as she paused. Why had she come here again? To say goodbye to Cassie? No. To say goodbye to her team. To Hawkeye. To the Young Avengers.

What right did she have to use the name of a legend when she was clearly an inept leader? What right did she have to put on a stupid costume and play super hero? The Avengers were right the first time. They were just a bunch of kids playing dress up no matter what they said now. If she had just listened to them in the first place... if she hadn't gotten them new costumes and this base... Cassie would still be alive.

The common room seemed untouched from the last time she had been there and the air felt still and even a little stale. It always had that faint smell of paper and old books. Kate walked over to a small end table and picked up a framed newspaper clipping. Along with the article was a picture depicting the original team. Minus Iron Lad of course. Kate took in a breath and let it out as she ran her fingers over the image, "I miss you Cassie."

...This place was depressing. The memories, the feelings. They were sometimes too much for him to handle. Billy Kaplan hadn't been to the old Young Avengers headquarters since Cassie and Vision's deaths. He figured Tommy and Teddy might have visited the place often - they seemed more likely to try to get back into the cape and masks business than he was. But he had just never been able to bring himself to come here.

For months he had stayed at home, gone to school, and mostly sat in a room, staring out the window. He hadn't talked to anyone, at least not about what had happened and what he had been going through. To be honest, he wasn't even sure if he understood what he was going through. There were moments he wanted to be Wiccan, to be a Young Avengers again. But then he thought of Cassie and Vision... It had been his fault. They had died in a fight he had started. A part of him wanted to search through every dimension known and those yet to be discovered. If he could find one where they hadn't died, if he could bring them back...

But the thought of using his magic, of screwing things up again, was enough to scare him away from doing so. He stood outside Bishop Publishing in a white t-shirt with a black hoodie on top, light denim jeans, and black sneakers. He had his hands stuffed in the pocket of the hoodie as he stared at the door. Should he go in? The door was unlocked. His heart sank. Who else was here? If it was an intrudor, he'd make him or her regret it.... someway. He couldn't think of a way at the moment, but he would later.

His eyes found Kate the moment he entered the room. He wasn't sure what to say, especially since hey didn't seem to cut it in his mind. He knew what picture she was looking at and he had to swallow back a pang of guilt that he knew he would always carry. Still, she was one of his best friends. He couldn't let his emotions get to him. At least not now. "Hey." He strode over to her and looked at the picture. A small smile managed to find its way onto his face at the memory. It was bittersweet, but still somewhat sweet.

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“Billy!” Kate started in surprise, abruptly turning her head to look at him. She started to put the picture down hastily feeling suddenly like a visitor that had been caught snooping around someone else’s bedroom, but stopped herself. There was nothing wrong with her being there. Nothing wrong with her looking at the picture and remembering, even if it was painful. Even if she felt guilty.

The common room felt cold and empty without the rest of the team there. She hadn't bothered to turn on the lights and the only illumination came from the dim light of day filtering through one of the skylights. Even though it had only been the seven of them, the room had always been filled with so much life and activity. Now there seemed to only be dust and bittersweet memories left.

She gently put the picture back on the table and then turned to address her teammate. Former teammate. Friend. “I didn’t think anyone still came- I mean what are you doing- I mean-” She sighed and smiled a little sheepishly pushing some of her hair back behind her ear returning his uncertain smile. “Hi Billy. It's been a while,” she observed. Did he blame her too? Did Teddy?

Did he blame Kate for what had happened? That was far from the truth. She may have thought that he did, and perhaps some deep part of him did, but the majority, if not all of the blame, went on his own shoulders. He had insisted on looking for Wanda. He had allowed himself to trust Doom even the smallest bit. He was the one the Avengers had been after and finding Wanda had sparked the Avengers and X-Men to fight and thus left them to trust Doom.

He wanted Teddy and everyone else to think he wasn’t still plagued by the grief and guilt. He wanted them to think that he was better; that he was himself again. Truth was, he wasn’t sure if he would ever be himself again. Losing someone in a battle, especially someone like Cassie, it had a habit of changing the way one looked at themselves and their actions. To say it had changed him would have been an understatement.

Cassie and Vision were gone. Wanda was up to God knows what and Eli had moved away and Billy couldn’t contact either of them even if it was to save his life. Tommy, Kate, and Teddy had stuck around, but he wasn’t sure if that was because they wanted to or felt like they had to. He genuinely felt like Teddy wanted to be wherever he was, and he wanted to be wherever his fiancé was. Tommy probably stuck around because he had no place else to go.

His eyes fell back onto Kate. She belonged with a bow in her hands and an arrow flying toward some baddie. She was a superhero. He felt like he had taken that away from her. But he wouldn’t show that. He couldn’t show that. He needed them to think he was fine. He needed them not to worry about him. And in a way, he needed to believe that he was okay. He needed to believe he was doing the right thing, refusing to use his magic and hanging up his cape. It just had to be the right thing to do because he didn’t know what else to do.

“Too long if you ask me,” he replied with a grin. He hadn’t meant to startle her, but he had to admit, it wasn’t every day that someone caught Kate Bishop off guard. “I haven’t really been here… Just thought… I don’t know…” He shrugged, his gaze falling onto the floor as he lightly kicked the ground. “I was in the neighborhood and just sort of walked in, y’know?” He looked up at her and smiled. He didn’t blame her for anything. He couldn’t blame her for anything. The blame and guilt were already sitting on his shoulders.

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